It is over.
It lasted all of 3 years and 3 months. One would think the ending would have been heartfelt or at least accorded with a little respect; a little tenderness; a little reluctance.
But no, it was over without a whimper. It was over in the coldest way possible.
I had given it everything I had; even what I did not have. I had loved unreservedly even though I knew I would receive the short shrift . I did not expect anything except to love and be loved. I thought he was different from the others but I could not be more wrong. He said so himself that he was just like the rest. Oh wait......perhaps he was different. I have allowed him to hurt me more than any other person I had known.
I can forgive him. It might not have been his fault. It was just a part of his character that I did not see. To throw someone under the bus when the situation becomes challenging. To be the friend who climbs the tree when the bear draws near. Survival of the fittest. I just cannot forgive myself for plunging into him hook, line and sinker. How could I have been so blind?
In all that 3 years, I truly believed he loved me. That I was the best thing to have happened to him. That I had given him confidence; a fresh perspective on life and love. That I was his rai-son d'etre. That we were soul mates. But it all ended overnight............in a deafening silence that left me gasping.
I do not know how to live with myself now. The shock from the sudden loss will stoically pan out. It has to. The hurt will always be there but I am hoping it will dull with time. It is coping with the misjudgement and misplaced faith that will haunt me forever.
There are nights I lay awake, conflicted between the memories and reality. There are moments I cannot tell the difference between the shower and my own hot tears. I have lost count the number of times I agonise over how someone can turn his back on you in the span of one night? What happened to that connection we had? Where is the humanity I fell in love with?
Who is the real you?
I have no answers. I just know I can never be the same again. I really thought he loved me.
But no, it was over without a whimper. It was over in the coldest way possible.
I had given it everything I had; even what I did not have. I had loved unreservedly even though I knew I would receive the short shrift . I did not expect anything except to love and be loved. I thought he was different from the others but I could not be more wrong. He said so himself that he was just like the rest. Oh wait......perhaps he was different. I have allowed him to hurt me more than any other person I had known.
I can forgive him. It might not have been his fault. It was just a part of his character that I did not see. To throw someone under the bus when the situation becomes challenging. To be the friend who climbs the tree when the bear draws near. Survival of the fittest. I just cannot forgive myself for plunging into him hook, line and sinker. How could I have been so blind?
In all that 3 years, I truly believed he loved me. That I was the best thing to have happened to him. That I had given him confidence; a fresh perspective on life and love. That I was his rai-son d'etre. That we were soul mates. But it all ended overnight............in a deafening silence that left me gasping.
I do not know how to live with myself now. The shock from the sudden loss will stoically pan out. It has to. The hurt will always be there but I am hoping it will dull with time. It is coping with the misjudgement and misplaced faith that will haunt me forever.
There are nights I lay awake, conflicted between the memories and reality. There are moments I cannot tell the difference between the shower and my own hot tears. I have lost count the number of times I agonise over how someone can turn his back on you in the span of one night? What happened to that connection we had? Where is the humanity I fell in love with?
Who is the real you?
I have no answers. I just know I can never be the same again. I really thought he loved me.
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